Drawback

A little burn here, a little ache there, an occasional dull discomfort in between...that's how it started last time and before I knew it—stress fracture. So when these symptoms reappeared recently, I sucked it up and made YET ANOTHER appointment with my orthopedic doc... 

...Who pretty much had to say the same thing as usual, which was nothing. A 5-minute, $30 copay of nothing. Apart from recommending I go back for another round of physical therapy, which I'm not going to do. I don't have the time or the money or the patience for something I can do at home. The only problem is I have to actually make myself do it at home. 

What my doctor doesn't say, but I know he thinks, is that maybe the problem would get better if I put in the work strength training and lost 30 lbs. Maybe knowing he thinks that isn't good enough. I mean, I know it, but that doesn't make me do anything about it. Maybe I just need someone with "authority" to say it to me (and maybe make me cry). I'd love to join more classes/training programs but do not have the funds. I'd love to do it at home but I don't have the discipline. I'd love to stop making excuses. Oh, Jillian Michaels, where are thou?!

I absolutely need a new strategy, though, so I'll take some time this weekend to look at the classes in my gym and the food in my refrigerator and make a plan. I wish I could be accountable to something more than myself—but WTF? Myself is a good enough thing as any to be accountable to! 

Exit violins.

To get a head start, I decided to take a core conditioning class in addition to my 5k run. I went to the NYSC on 125th St. for the first time and was so very pleasantly surprised. It's pretty big, tons of machines with great TVs AND the virtual active program. There's a really huge, weird, gangsta statue of Alvin (the chipmunk) when you first walk in, which I'll have to get a picture of. But other than that, I think I'm gonna ditch my other gym—even though it has the great broken treadmill—for this one. 

The run was not the worst, but still pretty lame. The core class was a bitch. My hip flexors are SO WEAK that my legs get sore and tired before I even feel anything in my abs. But at least I went, yeah?

I feel like "drawback" can describe a lot my current state, but it's also the word for that phenomenon in which the ocean recedes before a tsunami strikes a coast. So instead, I'm looking at the rest of this week as my drawback, where I take a step back, suck in all my air and then power on at full force. 

Until then, I shall leave you with this: